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matt_love_lamp
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Name: Matt
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: Springfield
Birthday: 7/18/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: all types of music...and various other goings on...I felt guilty for not putting Jesus number 1 on my "interests"...he really is, i promise...i just thought we were talking about a hobby or something...
Expertise: not a whole lot
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  NCCnagga
MSN: NCCnagga@hotmail.com
Member Since:
8/29/2005
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| i just got an iPhone
and it's pretty neat.
perhaps this will jumpstart my career
in ministry.
because everyone knows that you need to
be hip
to connect with these kids.
I guess... | | |
| change has always been difficult for me.
it's not as if i buck against it
or try so hard to keep things the same,
but instead i get very anxious about change.
i find it difficult to be willing to change yet be content.
this is really about me finding a job.
i have no idea where to start...
i mean, i tried ozark's website, and that gave me some leads..
but those haven't panned out at all.
it's scary.
i have my degree and i want to move forward.
i want to find a ministry to work in and be there for years.
it's hard to combine this wanting to find work
with the self-less attitude to serve.
and now, around joplin,
i feel unwanted.
for the most part.
it's not like i want a pity party.
much of the disconnect is probably my fault.
but it also seems like if i'm not a part of my friends' lives
on a everyday basis
(like school was)
then i sort of fade out and they forget that i'm still around.
and then that makes me want to stay away from the college
for fear that i'll just be intruding on their fun.
at least i get to read a bunch.
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| so.
i found out this week
that i will not be getting a job as a youth minister in kansas
because i do not have enough experience.
i found out this week
that i cannot get a loan for a used car
because i do not have enough "payment" experience.
it is great that i go to college.
turns out i should have just got out into the work force
and started gaining all of this valuable experience that i now lack.
who is going to give me my first chance?
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| a reason for doing something, esp. one that is hidden or not obvious.
synonyms: rational, grounds, cause, basis.
why do i do stuff?
i mean, i think i have my reason
but what if the reasons i'm telling myself
are just clever justifications dressed up as
"honorable"
"responsible"
"virtuous"
when in reality
i am motivated by selfish desires.
can our motives be hidden from ourselves?
or do we hide them from ourselves and run away from the truth of the matter.
i could wax poetically for a little longer
but i'm going to go now
and hang out.
"trust me,"
i tell myself,
"it's for all the right reasons."
--oats | | |
| you have to be deliberate about relationships with people.
if i want to keep and grow better relationships
i have to put forth effort.
i'm not good at it right now
but i'm trying.
i'll be done with college pretty soon.
and that is scary. | | |
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